Fear...

I have let fear control a lot of what I have done and not done in my life.

I have let fear delay things that I wanted to do... 

It is extremely limiting when you let fear control your life....

I had a fear of living too far away from my family.

I ended up not going to the college that I wanted to go to.

I had a fear that I wasn't capable of getting my degree...

I am graduating next month with my Bachelor's but could have been done with it 2 years ago

I have really let fear take hold of me in too many situations and it has crept back up in light of this new decision I have to make.

I was offered a marketing internship at a company I really wanted to work for. 

After telling my employer about this opportunity they told me that we would have to part ways because they needed someone full time.

I have worked here for over 3 years and make pretty dang good money for being a receptionist. 

I am absolutely terrified to leave

Why?

Because I don't know if I can find another job that will pay me enough to cover my bills and be flexible enough to work around my internship.

I'm am beyond scared.

Change scares the ship out of me.

Have you seen that new K-mart commercial? "I shipped my pants!" It is hilarious!

Change can be the most rewarding thing ever, so why is it so incredibly scary for me?

It's the unknown. 

I don't know what is going to happen. 

I don't know where I will be getting my income 

I don't know if this internship will turn into a full-time position

I will be giving up A LOT of free time. ( I value the shit out of that!)

My whole professional world is going to change just to take this internship.

I really REALLY want to do this internship though...

This could be a opportunity of a lifetime. 

This could give me some incredible experience that will look awesome on my resume. 

So... Am I going to let fear take over this time?

No... right after I cry a little because I am so scared

I am going to take this opportunity and I am going to do it with confidence. 

I will succeed. 

Everything that I encounter has always turned out just fine plus I have an amazing support system.

So here is to CHANGE, OPPORTUNITY, LIFE.....

I am going to tackle this and come out stronger than ever. Bring it ON!!

Until next time,

Watch that K-mart commercial

p.s. I can't get pictures to load today... ugh

Happy Birthday Papa

Today my Papa would have been 57 years old. Such a youngin'.....
It breaks my heart to say 'would have been'
Papa is the man that called me his own and that is exactly what I was... His.
It's his birthday today and it always is a hard day for me. He is not here to tell "Happy Birthday" anymore.

I don't remember the last birthday that I saw him... The last years of his life I did not see him much.
Something I regret greatly and brings tears to my eyes thinking about right now....
He meant the world to me and I have so many fond memories of him as a kid.
My favorite was when my mom and I would ride the bus down to Orem on the weekends to go see him.
It was a blast!
He always gave me his queen size bed that I would share with Vern. (best dog in the world)

I don't remember the last time I told him I loved him or that I cared about him before he passed and that has eaten at me for years....
Shortly after he passed he came to me in a dream, which I believe was to put me at ease. He let me know that he knew I loved him.
I have cherished that dream ever since.....

Never take anyone for granted.
Spend as much time with those you love.
Tell them you love them as often as possible.
Hug them more every time you see them.
Laugh more with them.
Make memories....

Make sure you won't wonder if they knew how you felt about them if they died today.....

My heart aches still with that wonder.... Tears stream down my face as I write this.

Tonight,  Sarah, her family and I will be going to the cemetery to wish Papa a Happy Birthday.

Watch for the balloons as they float to meet you in heaven.
I love you.

Until next time,
Hug those you love a little tighter

 

Vernon Judge Young aka sweetest, best, most protective dog EVER

Waiting with Kim and Mike for their plane to go on their honey moon

Fishing... The outdoors were his favorite

Handsome

Best Friends... Hopefully they are in heaven together

And my most favorite of all....

Somewhere over the rainbow....

Will there be food? Okay I am there!

Story of my life.... Food. Nom, Nom, Nom.
So I was just sitting in my car at lunch, doing what, you ask? Eating food.
Chips and a sandwich.  I swear I heard the people in my car (head) ask if I wanted a sandwich with my chips.... I ignored them and happily or guiltily ate them anyways. Whatevs.

So in February Mase and I did Beachbody's Ultimate Reset. This is a nutrition plan with supplements that you stick to for 21 days.
Hardest 21 days of my life....
Although it was hard as phuck, I got through it without any slip ups, but I give all the credit to Mason for that.
 He was an absolute champ and kept me plugging along. I am happy that he was there to do this for me.
At the end of 21 days I was not only very happy but 10 lbs lighter! Woo!!! Mase lost about 18 lbs *insert jealous face here*
I felt great and so did Mason.

After we were finished we really did not know how to go back to eating 'normal' food.
We wanted to try to eat better than before but it didn't really happen that way.
I felt like I was completely addicted to sweets for like 2 weeks after... still kind of feel that way. So... our eating did not improve really at all after this reset, unfortunately.
I really had high hopes that it would improve. Complete fail.

I feel like I just want to eat everything and anything that is bad for me.
I have realized that I am a big emotional eater, which seems to be the case with many women.
BOO!!! (get over your issues already, dammit!)
So as I was stuffing my face in my car today I just felt like a total slob and wondered how I did not weigh 300 lbs by now.
I need to figure this shit out. It's pissing me off mostly because this type of food makes me feel tired and sluggish!
Ugh.....

I know I have total control of what I put in my mouth but actually... I don't feel like I have control.
I get angry when I am hungry and when something does not sound good I don't want to eat it and get even angrier. (psycho!)
I am also incredibly lazy so cooking doesn't happen as often as it should for me.

I know what to eat to feel better and how to cook that food but it all seems like SO much work that I am not willing to put in right now.  Or ever.
Many people tell me to food prep each week and that sounds horrible too. I want to be lazy on Sunday not cook. (duh!)
I can't say ugh enough to all of this.

My point to this whole rant is.... I need to figure out what emotions I am letting drive my eating habits! Easier said than done tho...
Well I am just going to eat this and go to cycle class tonight with Sarah and my mom....

I have mad picture taking skills... The life of a workin' girl! 

Until next time,

Don't eat anymore Reese's.... or Toblerones. *smacking lips*

Helping others. I have a Heart

Helping others. People still do that? Ha! Yes they do and I plan on doing it in a bigger way than I normally do. I am starting a FIT Club of sorts. My friend Tracy and I are putting this club together that is going to raise money and resources for a local domestic violence shelter. 

I came up with this idea a few months ago but had no idea where to start. I have never done anything like this but Tracy has. She is always serving others and I really look up to her for that, so naturally, it only made sense to ask for her assistance. 

Our plan is to have this FIT Club be a 60 day thing where we meet twice a week to workout. Each time we will charge a small fee that will directly go to the local shelter. We plan on having and featuring local healthy companies and people as well. I am so excited to get this going and raise this money for people that genuinely need help. I like this also because not only are we raising money to help people but also helping people take care of themselves and be healthy. 

FYI... we plan on utilizing the Insanity workouts for these events. These are extremely intense workouts and are most definitely not for the faint of heart. I absolutely love them! 

I sure do love me some of Shaun T

If anyone wants to volunteer their time and or resources to this fundraiser please feel free to contact me. We are working on finding a venue this week and then will work on getting the word out. Watch for it soon! #excited #noneedforhashtags #getoverit

Until next time,

Do unto others as you want done unto you

P.S. Every woman feels this way....

Oh, you know... Job Searching

"I love job searching!" Said no one EVER.

I graduate in May... NEXT MONTH. I am going to officially be a college graduate with my Bachelor's degree. Can you give me a "hell yeah?!"  HELL YEAH!  It's okay, I like to cheer myself on... I am my own biggest fan, ya know.

Okay, so I have been thinking that I really need to figure out what I want to do with my life, career wise. I originally got into communications so that I could pursue a broadcasting career but then I thought, "hmmm... that is too hard" so I thought about public relations among a few other things. I couldn't quite wrap my head around anything.

A couple months ago, at work we started helping this guy who works for ABC 4. I got to talking to him and he told me that they were looking for interns and that they would love to have me there. I can't tell you how excited I was. *insert open mouthed excited face here*  Broadcasting... the first reason I began this whole college thing. Well this internship was unpaid... that was okay with me.... it had to be for college credit... that was still okay with me..... University of Phoenix.... would not help me with this at all. I got the run around for a month and a half and was finally told that the school does not support any type of internships. WHAT??!!! Yeah, that is what I said too. LAME! So, my dreams of this internship at ABC 4 got crushed. Ugh. 

I have begun to look for other internships and actual jobs that pertain to my degree. I have had no such luck with anything in the broadcasting industry just yet but I know I will. I just need that one small opportunity to get my feet wet and I will be good. So for now, I have been looking more toward the marketing side of my degree because that does interest me as well. I have applied to some jobs and a few internships the last couple weeks. I actually had an interview today with a digital marketing agency for a possible internship! Boo ya! I feel like it went quite well and hope to hear back from them with good news soon! I am also excited because I have another internship interview with another marketing company that I have been dying to interview with. Good things are coming my way, I feel it in my toes... or that could just be my new heels squishing them together numbing them, so honestly I can't really feel my toes. #thepriceofbeauty #ihatehashtagsbutnowusethem #iknowtheyarenotrelavantforablog #sueme

Job/internship searching is a bit frustrating and sometimes I feel like I am getting absolutely no where. But I am and I know that if I keep at it consistently I will find my break and get that dream "big-girl" job that I want. 

Until next time,

Stay sober 

P.S. I have started like 8 million (not an exaggeration) blogs. Let's see if this sticks this time. Here is to my 8 millionth "first" blog post! Cheers!